Quick recap: Last time, I shared how being a caregiver for my chronically ill husband pushed me to my limits. Raising two kids at the same time also added to the challenge. Now, we’re diving into my journey back to therapy.
Disclaimer:Â If you’re having thoughts of suicide, please know that you’re not alone. Help is available 24/7. Please reach out to a suicide prevention hotline or crisis center in your area. In the US, you can call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Remember, your life matters and there is hope, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Remember how I said I was going to therapy? For insurance reasons, I had to see an intake counselor to decide if therapy was “necessary.” As if the past week of barely functioning wasn’t evidence enough.
Leading up to the appointment, I seriously considered canceling. If I say it all out loud, then it’s true. It’s a problem. And that’s not great for my finely-honed denial skills. But lucky me, this has been one of the most difficult weeks yet. The anxiety was so consistent, so overwhelming, that I knew I needed this feeling to go away. So I went.
The Appointment
Entering the room, my heart started beating faster. I have this tendency to cry a lot when I walk into a therapy room. It’s like my body knows what’s coming and decides to get a head start.
True to form, he asked what brought me here. I burst into tears. I tried to explain the last four years as best I could. I’m surprised he followed my story because it definitely wasn’t linear, and I’m sure it didn’t make any sense. It felt like a flood trying to go through a pinhole.
But this guy was great. He’s been doing it for 22 years. He works in the healthcare setting and was familiar with all of my husband’s diagnoses. He even knew how it affected patients and had worked with them too. This was a relief because it meant fewer things I had to explain.
He also said I had the right to all of my feelings. He mentioned that what I’m going through is very difficult. These are things I “know.” But, validation from someone makes them feel true. It feels true in a way my own self-assurances never quite manage.
In the end, he said I could definitely benefit from therapy (ha!) and gave me a list of possible providers. I also had the option to continue to see him if I’m only looking for a few sessions. Oh, how I wish it was that simple.
I’ve had variable results finding a therapist, hence why I don’t have one. We explored that and the reasons why I’ve liked some therapists and others not so much. He then gave me some great advice: make a list of what I’m looking for in a therapist. Include things that I’ve liked that therapists have done in the past. Also, note things that I did not find helpful.
Why had I not thought of that or heard about that before? While I’m at it, I could make a cheat sheet. It would include everything I think is important they know right off the bat.
Our half hour went by so quickly. I wish it had been a whole hour and a real therapy session. But I guess that’s something to look forward to. Although, if I’m being honest, it’s pretty stressful too.
Next Steps
I left with a little less weight on my shoulders and felt less anxiety in my chest. I also had a list of possible providers and was sent to do my research. I need to make an appointment with someone I think may be a good therapist for me.
This is the hard part. Bios don’t have a lot of info and can be pretty generic. Right now, I’m drawn to a therapist who is close to my work. It’s probably not a good reason, but it’s one less thing to stress me out.
Choosing the Right Therapist
For those of you who are in a similar boat, here are some things to consider when choosing a therapist:
- Do you want to be online or in person?
Unfortunately or fortunately, many therapists only offer online. I prefer in person; it’s just a different experience that feels safer and more real to me.
- What’s your goal?
Do you want to vent? What are you looking to get from therapy? How long do you want to commit to therapy? Do you take medication for a mental illness and/or already have a diagnosis?
This article from Open Counseling can help you figure out your goal. If you are still not sure, no worries, your therapist can help you figure this out.
- Type of Therapy
Do you know what type of therapy you would like (e.g., CBT, EMDR, etc.)? If you’re not sure what these are, you can check out Psychology Today’s Types of Therapy.
- Insurance, Copays and Private Pay
What type of insurance do you have? Do you need a referral?
Some insurance providers require a referral from your general practioner. Some therapists only take certain insurance or only do private pay (out of pocket).
If you’re not sure, give your insurance company a call, and they can walk you through. If your insurance does not cover mental health, do not worry. Some therapists operate on a sliding scale. This means they offer a reduced rate depending on your finances. Some may also be willing to do it pro bono (free!). Community mental health centers often have low to no-cost therapy and services.
Trusting the Process
I’m still in the process of figuring all this out. It’s overwhelming, but I know it’s necessary. I’m trying to hold onto the hope. Finding the right therapist will help me navigate this challenging time in my life.
To those of you out there struggling, know that you’re not alone. Taking this step is hard, but it’s also brave. We deserve support. We deserve to feel better. Even if it means crying in front of strangers and navigating the maze of mental health services.
Here’s to taking that first step, no matter how shaky it could be.
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