By CHRISTINA MULLINS, MSW, LCSW
Parenting is quite the adventure, isn’t it? It’s full of highs and lows, and taking care of your child’s emotions is a big part of the journey. When a chronic illness enters the picture, it can feel like navigating uncharted territory, both for you and your child. The impact of a parent’s illness on a child can be profound, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions that may leave them (and you!) feeling confused, scared, or alone. In these moments, it’s important to recognize that children may be experiencing disenfranchised grief, a kind of grief that isn’t always acknowledged or understood by others. It’s hard to know when to seek professional help. Let’s explore how to identify the signs, understand the role of therapy, and provide unwavering support for your little one along the way.
Disenfranchised grief
Grieving isn’t just about saying goodbye to someone who has passed away; it’s a tangled mess of emotions that can spring from all sorts of life changes. Sure, we’re familiar with the tears and heartache that come with losing a loved one, but there’s another type of grief that often gets overlooked – disenfranchised grief. This sneaky kind of grief sneaks in when we go through losses that society doesn’t really acknowledge. Think about the upheaval caused by a parent’s long-term illness, the sudden end of a friendship, or when a big dream doesn’t come true. Even though these losses can hit us just as hard, they don’t always get the same understanding and support from others.
Disenfranchised grief can show up in different ways, like feeling down, getting angry, pulling away from others, or feeling like we’re not good enough. Without folks recognizing what we’re going through and giving us a hand, it’s tough for kids to make sense of their feelings and find healthy ways to deal with them. That’s why it’s super important to spot the signs of this hidden grief and make sure your kid knows they’ve got a safe space to talk about how they’re feeling.
When you acknowledge their grief and create a safe space for them to open up, you’re giving them the best chance to handle all those tangled emotions that come with a parent’s chronic illness. Whether it’s chatting openly, getting creative, or reaching out for pro help, giving your kid the tools to deal with their grief can really make a difference in how they’re feeling inside.
Recognizing Signs It’s Time to Seek Help
Every kiddo has their own unique way of letting us know what’s going on inside. That’s why it’s super important to keep an eye out for little shifts in behavior. You might notice things like them suddenly getting moody, pulling away from stuff they used to enjoy, or saying they don’t feel well without any obvious reason, like headaches or tummy aches. And don’t brush off what they say – if they mention feeling hopeless or drop hints about hurting themselves, it’s a big deal and needs to be taken seriously.
When to Seek Professional Help:
- Defiant Behaviors: Noticeable defiance both at home and outside.
- Sudden Shifts: Abrupt changes in interests or habits.
- Excessive Worrying and Sadness: Persistent feelings of anxiety or sadness.
- Regressions: Reverting to earlier behaviors like bedwetting or thumb-sucking.
- Social Isolation: Withdrawal from friends and activities.
- Talks of Self-Harm or Suicide: Any mention or indication of self-harm or suicidal thoughts.
- Struggling at School: Academic and behavioral difficulties.
- Negative Self-Talk: Expressions of self-loathing or hopelessness.
- Physical Changes: Significant alterations in sleep or eating patterns.
- Comments Indicative of Emotional Distress: Expressions such as “I wish I weren’t here,” or “Nobody would care if I ran away.”
What Therapy Looks Like for Kids
When it comes to therapy for kids, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. It’s more like a personalized adventure, meeting each child right where they are emotionally and developmentally. For the younger ones, therapy often means playing games, telling stories, and getting creative – it’s like having a special space where they can explore their feelings in a fun and safe way. As kids get older, therapy might look a bit different, leaning more towards talking things out and learning how to deal with their emotions in a more grown-up way.
Exploration of Different Therapy Approaches
There are various approaches tailored to meet the unique needs and preferences of children. Here’s a brief overview of some common therapy approaches:
- Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps children identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors. Teaches practical skills to manage emotions, solve problems, and cope with challenges effectively. Particularly useful for children struggling with anxiety, depression, or behavioral issues.
- Play Therapy: Utilizes play as a means of communication and expression. Through toys, games, and imaginative play, children can explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a safe and non-threatening environment. Ideal for younger children or those who may have difficulty expressing themselves verbally.
- Art Therapy: Encourages children to express themselves creatively through various art mediums, such as drawing, painting, or sculpting. Allows children to communicate their emotions, process trauma, and gain insight into their experiences. Beneficial for children who may struggle to verbalize their feelings or find traditional talk therapy intimidating.
- Family Therapy: Involves the entire family in the therapeutic process. Focuses on improving communication, resolving conflicts, and strengthening relationships. Can help address issues such as parent-child conflicts, family transitions, or coping with a parent’s illness. By involving the family, children receive support from their loved ones and can work towards collective healing and growth.
- Animal Assisted Therapy: This type of therapy involves interactive tasks such as grooming, playing, or simply spending time with the therapy animal under the guidance of a trained therapist. The presence of the animal can create a comforting and non-judgmental atmosphere, making it easier for children to open up, express themselves, and engage in the therapeutic process.
For an extensive list of therapy modalities and explanations click here
When therapists advertise their services, they often list the modalities they specialize in, giving you a glimpse into the different types of therapy they offer. If you are unsure what might be the most appropriate, just ask! That’s what they are there for.
How Parents Can Support the Process
Being a supportive parent means more than just booking therapy appointments – it’s about being their rock, their unwavering source of love and understanding. Start by finding a therapist who connects with your child personally, attend sessions together, and actively participate in their therapeutic journey by practicing coping skills at home.
How Parents Can Help:
- Find a therapist you and your child feel comfortable with.
- Take your child to all the appointments.
- Meet with your child’s therapist to understand how to support your child at home.
- Spend quality time together and parent with patience and warmth.
Involving Schools and Communities
Parents play a vital role in supporting their children’s mental health, and it’s comforting to know they don’t have to navigate this journey solo. Schools and communities can be amazing allies, offering a treasure trove of resources, expertise, and support networks.
In schools, there are counselors and support staff ready to lend a helping hand. They’re like guides who really understand what kids are going through emotionally and behaviorally, and they can assist families in finding the right help and resources they need. Whether it’s tackling anxiety, feeling down, or any other mental health challenge, these counselors are essential in helping students and families weather tough times. As a school social worker, I’ve seen firsthand the benefits of collaboration between families and schools. I frequently receive calls from parents seeking guidance and assistance, and I’ve witnessed how effectively schools can serve as a central hub for accessing resources and support, often at no cost.
Moreover, schools often organize various programs and initiatives focused on promoting mental wellness and resilience among students. From peer support groups to mindfulness activities, to parent info nights, these initiatives provide opportunities for students to develop coping skills, build relationships, and improve their overall well-being.
Outside of school, community programs and organizations also play a crucial role in supporting children’s mental health. These initiatives may include counseling services, support groups, recreational activities, and educational workshops, all aimed at fostering positive mental health outcomes for children and teenagers. Places of worship can also be a wealth of resources.
Getting schools and communities involved in caring for kids’ mental health can make a world of difference for families. When we tap into the knowledge and assistance available from these places, parents feel like they’ve got a whole team behind them, supporting their children’s mental well-being. Putting trust in what the school and community can offer can truly revolutionize your child’s mental health journey.
Addressing Stigma Surrounding Mental Health Treatment
Addressing the stigma around mental health treatment is absolutely key to making sure our kids get the help they deserve. It’s all about making therapy feel like a normal, okay thing. When we talk openly about it, educate ourselves and others, and show through our own actions that it’s totally okay to seek help when you need it, we can build a culture where everyone feels accepted and supported, especially our children. Let’s break down those walls together and make sure no one feels ashamed or afraid to reach out for help.
Conclusion
As we navigate the twists and turns of parenthood, it’s clear that our children’s emotional well-being is a top priority. When faced with the challenges of a parent’s chronic illness, the impact on our little ones can be profound, leaving them feeling a whirlwind of emotions. It’s essential to acknowledge and address their feelings of disenfranchised grief with empathy and understanding. By recognizing the signs, considering therapy as a valuable resource, and offering unwavering support, we can help our children navigate these uncharted waters with strength and resilience. Remember, we’re in this journey together, and together, we can ensure our children feel supported and empowered to face whatever comes their way.
A Call to Action
Let’s commit to being there for our children every step of the way. Whether it’s through open conversations, seeking professional support when needed, or simply offering a listening ear, let’s prioritize their emotional well-being. Together, let’s create a safe and supportive environment where our children feel empowered to navigate the challenges they face with courage and resilience. Our commitment to their mental health today will shape their well-being tomorrow.
If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 within the United States contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling or texting 988. In case of an emergency, call 911.
Further Reading
The Importance of Mourning Losses (Even When They Seem Small)
6 Things to Keep in Mind When you Talk to a Child About a Parent’s Chronic Illness
Article Sources
6 Signs Your Child Needs Counseling
The Unimaginable and Disenfranchised Grief
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